The Circle is Unbroken

One of the things that has always connected Dick and I is are crazy ass families. When I was three years old, my mom divorced my biological father and I haven't had any contact with him since I was four. When I was four my mom started dating W, who later became my step father when I was seven. They were married until I was 16, when they divorced and my mom proceeded to lose her mind... that is a whole other story. Anyway, I no longer have a relationship with W, as he started dating a woman who didn't particularly like me and didn't understand how he could continue to parent a child that wasn't his. Dick's mom and biological father divorced when he was four, and with the exception of one visit when he was eighteen, he has not had any contact with his bio dad since he was eight. He also had a step dad, and they still maintain a decent relationship.

There is something about being "fatherless" that most people can't understand. Even if you have a step father, you always know that you were essentially rejected or abandoned by a parent. As a child, I was really drawn to stories about adoption, because that was the closest I could find to my situation. So, it is only natural that Dick and I felt a certain kinship with each other because of our family situations. We understand being "fatherless."

Yesterday evening we found out that Dick's biological father passed away from lung cancer last weekend. The way we found out was the kind of convoluted, bizarre circumstances you would expect from such a complicated situation, so I won't go into it. It has hit both of us in unexpected ways. In my case, I realized that this could easily be my future - that I could find that my situation with my bio father resolved by death alone. And this really freaks me out. But, I am not really sure what to do about it. So, I am having trouble sleeping (4 a.m. post may have given me away there) and I don't really want to go to work tomorrow. But, I have nothing better to do. Wait, scratch that. Meaghan is in town and she is going to the Alligator farm tomorrow.

I don't know when the funeral is and I don't know if I will go. I tend to be way overly emotional at weddings and funerals and we've been warned that if we go, we will probably be mobbed by family members (Dick's dad had like eight brothers and sisters. Good gawd.) and I don't know if I can handle my first meeting with them being a funeral. Perhaps this would be a good time to ask my doctor for a xan@x prescription. With refills.